Phoenix Int’l. Raceway
November 13, 2010
“Wired Pink, Wired Blue”
Bob ♥ Kathy Butcher
We saw briefly at best a few of the wiring differences that God created male & female with. He didn’t do that to thwart humans, but to both create an analogy of the relationship between humans & Himself, and learning to become “purple” …a color of royalty …as His kids following after His Son, Jesus Christ.
Remember also that the Kingdom of God is totally upside down to the world-wise ways to deal with life outside of His influence …which I think is a joke and total deception if we think we can.
I say that because I can “hear” Pink people saying “Yeah, sure, …like I am going to Respect this unloving, insensitive guy who just don’t get it, and get good from it! “ or the Blue saying: “Sure, love Broom Hilda when she has absolutely no respect for me?”
If that is you, and you are serious about this life changing project, …I can see you telling this plan to your unbelieving friend and watch them choke on their sip of coffee and blow it out of their mouth in dis-belief!
You have to remember that this Love / Respect method may not look to be working with an un-good-willed, disrespectful, unloving mate. However, …it is! You see the conviction flying into the face of Love / Respect.
Lastly, before we get to some last minute check list plans …let me say that in all reality that it all comes down to 2 things:
- Incentive. – Let’s face it. If you were offered $1000 to act perfectly loving or respectful for a month even if you had to do it before cameras all over your house, …you would likely succeed.
- Perhaps the problem is NOT a crisis in our marriage, …but a crisis in our faith? I say this because we cannot respond to our mate in Godly ways unless we first respond to God and deal with our sin. Hey, just lashing out with an unkind word is sin folks!
Think about that!
Okay, let’s close with some reminders of: What to say, Do, or Think to practice Love & Respect in your marriage:
Always ask yourself:
- Is what I am about to say or do going to feel unloving to her?
- Is what I am about to say or do going to feel disrespectful to him?
Things to remember:
- Even though feeling disrespected, pull back from being unloving toward her.
- Even though feeling unloved, pull back from being disrespectful toward him.
- When she is being critical or angry, she is crying out for your love; her intent is not to be disrespectful.
- When he is being harsh, or stonewalling you, he is crying out for respect; his intent is not to be unloving.
- If you defend your lack of love, she will feel unloved.
- If you defend your lack of respect, he will feel dispespected.
- When you feel disrespected, you tend to react in unloving ways and don’t see it.
- When you feel unloved, you tend to react disrespectfully and don’t see it.
- When you feel disrespected, it is not natural for you to be loving in return; you must love her in an act of obedience to Christ.
- When you feel unloved, it is not natural to be respectful in return; you must respect him in an act of obedience to Christ.
- Ultimately, you show your love for Christ when you unconditionally love your wife. If you are not loving your wife unconditionally, you are not loving Christ.
- Ultimately, you show your reverence for Christ when you unconditionally respect your husband. If you are not respecting your husband unconditionally, you are not reverencing Christ.
- If you have failed to love her, do something loving.
- If you have failed to respect him, do something respectful.
- The best way to motivate her is by meeting her need for love.
- The best way to motivate him is by meeting his need for respect.
To communicate feelings or start discussion:
- For Wives: never say: “You are unloving.” Instead say: “That felt unloving. Did I come across as disrespectful?” If he says yes, say: “I’m sorry for being disrespectful. Will you forgive me? How can I come across more respectfully?”
- For Husbands: “Never say: “You are disrespectful.” Instead say: “That felt disrespectful. Did I come across as unloving?” If she says yes, say: “I’m sorry for being unloving. How can I come across as more loving?”
- Never tell a wife she must earn your love in order for you to love her inner spirit created in God’s image.
- Never tell a husband he must earn your respect in order for you to respect his inner spirit created in God’s image.
- Never say: “I won’t love that woman until she starts respecting me.”
- Never say: “I won’t respect that man until he starts loving me.”
- Never say: “Nobody can love that woman!”
- Never say: “Nobody can respect that man!”
- Never blame your lack of love on her lack of respect. Your lack of love is disobedience to Ephesians 5:33a.
- Never blame your lack of respect on his lack of love. Your lack of respect is disobedience to Ephesians 5:33b.
Ask yourself: “Did I just say or do one of these?”
- Then Get Off the air hose she/he uses to breathe life! If you don’t it’s like trying to put fuel in on a pit stop with an empty fuel can!
Things you can say to lighten up the relationship:
- “We’re like 2 hamsters on the Crazy Cycle.”
- “Are you trying to take a spin on the Crazy Cycle?”
- “Are we trying for a new track record on the Crazy Cycle?”
- “I think your Pink / Blue sunglasses are fogging over.”
- “Put on my Pink/ Blue hearing aid and listen.”
- “May I borrow your Pink / Blue hearing aids? I have no idea what you are trying to say.”
- “You are seeing this in Pink; I see it in Blue. Let’s agree to disagree.”
- “You are seeing this in Blue; I see it in Pink. Let’s agree to disagree.”
- “We’ve been flipping the light switch for twenty minutes. Let’s try something else.”
- “Pardon me, but you are standing on my air hose!
Bibliography / References: Love & Respect by: Dr. Emerson Eggriches